Letting Go Pt. 2
The funny thing is I find a lot of common themes with the topics I write about and the anime shows and movies I watch.
So I’m gonna try something different here today to cap off part 2 of our letting go mini-series.
I’m gonna tie it into one of my all-time favorite anime movies, Kimi no Na wa or Your Name in English. I’ve watched it like 5 times and I’m not someone who’s a fan of re-watching.
And each and every time, there seems to be someone nearby cutting onions. I don’t know, it’s the weirdest phenomenon.
Anyway, you don’t need a lot of context, I got you.
Let’s start off with a quick plot of Your Name. Basically, there are two protagonists, Taki and Mitsuha.
On a night of shooting stars, both Taki and Mitsuha wish they were living someone else’s life. Wish granted.
Taki and Mitsuha swap bodies and live each other’s lives every week. They leave cryptic messages back and forth to each other trying to find out who the other person is living in their original body.
So pausing for a second. Something I noticed and something you might notice is this – reality is a mirror.
This means the world can only see us as we see ourselves.
For most of us, the self-image we carry with us into adulthood is not our own. It’s an image molded and shaped like a ball of clay from the people around us.
For example, if you grew up in an environment that wasn’t conducive to building confidence like myself, you’ll carry those insecurities, lack of confidence, and lack of self-worth into your adult years.
It was only a few years ago that I realized I can recreate that self-image to who I want to be. And I can keep doing it over and over. Another topic for another day.
But in order for that to happen, you need to let go of your current self-image. All the negative programming and feelings you may be holding onto in your past are all a part of this image.
Back to Your Name. When Taki and Mitsuha swap bodies, they’re in different bodies but they still have the same personality. Their different self-images of each other project toward the people around them and all of a sudden they seem like a “different” person to their respective circles.
So fast-forwarding here. Taki and Mitsuha decide to find each other. What they don’t know is that their timelines are 3 years apart.
On the day of the Autumn Festival, a comet called Tiamat passes by Earth. And the body-swapping stops.
Taki, who is now falling for Mitsuha, decides to go to Mitsuha’s village to find her.
He finds nothing.
3 years earlier, the comet Tiamat split apart and destroyed Mitsuha’s village, killing everyone.
Now that their timelines have converged, Mitsuha no longer exists.
All that’s left is the unresolved emotions and attachment from their time together.
And here’s another lesson I’ve learned: Attachment causes suffering.
It’s a common Buddhist philosophy. Very ironic because my family is Buddhist and every Lunar New Year, they pray for things such as wealth, luck, fortune, and good health.
What they’re doing is creating attachments and desires.
Naval Ravikant has the perfect definition of desire.
Desire is a contract to make yourself unhappy until you get what you want.
Desires and attachments imply you are in a state of lack. There’s a piece of you missing and that missing piece is somewhere out in the world.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve chased and achieved multiple goals in my life only to be disappointed. What and how I pictured the goal in mind doesn’t coincide with reality.
I gave it a larger than life quality. And I expected the goals to give me the feelings of happiness and satisfaction I craved.
A resistance to letting go is the fear that if we don’t have desire for a thing, we won’t get it.
What a false narrative. The ironic part is that when you let go and do not care, you usually get the thing you’re after.
When you’re able to do that, you’re operating purely based on intention and not lack.
Also, people have trouble letting go of emotions and memories in the past because they believe they can somehow reclaim those memories and rewrite the past. There is potential and possibility to rewrite a “wrong”.
Did you know you can do that now inside your mind? I’ll get into this later.
But this desire to rewrite the past is what drives Taki to meet Mitsuha again. And because of the magic of storytelling, he’s able to do that via a liquor called kuchikamizake, which is made with a little bit of Mitsuha’s spit.
I swear it’s not as gross as I’m making it sound, I’m just not trying to go through the plot scene by scene here.
So they meet at a special point of the mountain, with the destructive comet flying by overhead. But their timelines connect once again and they are able to meet each other within their own respective bodies.
Taki warns Mitsuha of the comet and how it’s gonna crash into her village. Mitsuha goes on to hatch a plan to save her village.
Now all is well now, right?
Of course not, that would be too boring. The writer wants to tug on our heartstrings and create an even greater sense of lack in our characters.
Because of this butterfly effect, the two protagonists forget each other’s names (hence the title Your Name).
They are left with the suffering of being on an endless search. They no longer know what they’re searching for. There is just a sense of longing and lack.
And now the finale…
Right when the two decide to let go of their search and just accept the feelings…
They cross paths in real time.
I embedded the ending below if you want to watch it.
And that’s how this masterpiece of a story ends.
How To Let Go
So now let’s end this series by going through how to let go.
Again, the basics are just accepting the feelings as is and letting it run its course.
But piggybacking off last week, there are repressed and suppressed feelings you may not even know to let go of. And there are subsets of emotions under each complex.
I’ve found it helpful to imagine your ideal self. What does that man or woman look like? Not physically, but internally.
Are you more confident and more sure of yourself? Are you in constant states of peace, love, and happiness?
Imagine that and try to feel what they may feel like. Without going into lack or desire, try to think about the blocks that are holding you back from being that person now.
Maybe you need to be more courageous in your day-to-day life?
What are the blocks that are stopping you from being more courageous?
The fear of being more bold or courageous is something that could be let go. The fear of not getting the outcome you desire is something that can be let go. Maybe the fear of what other people think of you while you’re doing this act is something you can let go of.
When you can’t let go of a primary emotion, it helps to let go of pieces of it. Anything without a foundation crumbles.
Another method that I’ve been recently reading about and practicing is called the Sedona Method.
Like I said before, wants and desires imply lack. Things you have trouble letting go probably stem from some deep-seated want.
Wants usually come in the form of desiring approval, security, or control.
So I’ll give you an example from my own work.
Something I don’t like about myself and something I’d like to change is always getting anxious about the future.
First of all, I have to let go of wanting to change that because that is what propagates the energy and keeps the feeling stuck.
Now where does worrying about the future come from?
Approval. There’s some fear of failing myself and being seen as a failure. Let it go.
Security. Self-explanatory, but I’d like to be in a good place. Let it go.
Control. I know I can’t control outcomes, but sometimes I wish to tighten my grip on reality and bend it in my favor. Let it go.
If you go through this, you may feel a bit lighter. Also, ask yourself if there’s any resistance to letting it go. Like is there a positive possibility you’re hoping for?
Now to close the loop that I opened earlier.
You can “rewrite” the past without hoping for it. It requires letting go and giving it a different context.
This is something I learned from Victor Frankl in his book Man’s Search for Meaning.
Rather than be haunted by the atrocities of being in a concentration camp, Frankl decided to apply a different meaning to his experience. It transformed from the meaning of being a helpless victim to an experience that made him stronger and helped him find purpose in life.
So let’s say someone broke your heart or betrayed you in the past. If you still harbor some resentment or negative feelings, then just apply a different context.
Maybe the experience made you a stronger person. Maybe it helped you realize or set a standard for the people you want to be around.
Most people (me included), spend a lot of time in their heads regretting the past or fearing the future.
But where is life happening?
Now. Here in the present.
I hope this was helpful and that my nerdy anime comparisons didn’t lose ya.
Week 81 Updates
I have a client fighting on Saturday, and I’m excited for that. And next week, another client is scheduled to throw down.
I got a pretty cool testimonial from one of my clients this week.
He said he never thought he had “real fans” until he started his newsletter. He thought fans of him were just fans of the UFC.
But by helping him tell his stories and showcase more of his personality, he finally feels like he has real fans.
Just more signs that what I’m doing is having an impact.
Other than that, just gotta keep the ball rolling.
Don’t really have any exciting updates for now, and honestly, my brain is fried from writing the earlier section.
So hopefully you found this mini-series helpful and apologize for the spoilers!
You should still go watch Your Name when you get a chance. Have a box of tissues ready if you react strongly to onions.
See ya next week.
Trust the process, love the process.
Kevin