Letting Go Pt. 1
If letting go was just as easy as forgetting about what you ate last night for dinner, we’d all be happier, more peaceful, and grateful.
And I wouldn’t have to split this up into a two-part series.
But just like happiness, letting go is a skill. And skills need to be practiced.
Here’s an example of what can happen to bottled-up feelings, continuously building pressure over time.
Let’s say someone betrayed you in the past. It caused you a bit of trauma and even to this day, whenever the memory pops into your head, you can still feel the power of the emotions.
Depending on how affected you were by this event, you can actually develop a fear of that emotion itself. That fear becomes a sub-emotion of the original emotional complex.
So if someone broke your heart, maybe you start building walls to “protect” your heart from future pain.
I wouldn’t really call it protection because you’re really training yourself to be devoid of feeling love, compassion, passion, etc.
So maybe you start carrying yourself a little colder. You’re not as open and skeptical of letting people into your world. It becomes harder to trust people because of the fear you developed of getting hurt.
Now come the thoughts.
If you take the time to notice the negative thoughts you have, chances are they might revolve around the theme of trust. And this is for both past memories which you’re now giving a different context or just imaginary scenarios you’re playing out in your head.
The point is, one painful feeling can cause thousands of thoughts. Which in turn transforms how you behave and how you see the world.
The ironic part is this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you hold onto in your mind tends to manifest itself.
So because of that deep-seated fear you now have, the feeling you’re trying so hard to avoid, you’re raising the probability of it happening to you again. And again.
The solution is conceptually simple, isn’t it?
Let that feeling go and all the thoughts go with it.
But like all things, it’s a lot harder in practice.
This is something I’ve actually been diving deeper into recently and learning. So I’m not claiming to be an expert, it’s something I’m continuously working on.
But I have been able to see the positive effects from practice. So I know how powerful it is.
Let’s start from the beginning and understand how we even get to the point where it’s hard to let go of a feeling.
Suppression, Repression, Expression, Escape
Suppression happens consciously. We force ourselves to not think of the feelings either by distraction, ignoring any relevant thoughts, or neglect.
Emotions are energy at the end of the day. Energy needs to be released at some point.
So suppressed feelings can manifest themselves into irritability, mood swings, or just random pains like headaches, etc.
Repression happens unconsciously.
This is when you have so much guilt, shame, embarrassment, or fear over a feeling that you thrust it into your subconscious, totally out of awareness.
When you see people project their pain onto others without knowing exactly what they’re doing or are simply in denial – it’s probably because of repressed feelings.
So it’s a good thing to express your feelings, right?
You give the energy an outlet and release it in a healthy way.
Not necessarily.
When you have so much pressure built up from suppressed and repressed feelings, you’re out of balance. You’re not in typical homeostasis.
Any alleviation or relief will feel greater than what’s actually happening. You’re just numbing the symptoms of the problem.
So when you vent, verbalize, write down, or whatever – you’re just letting out enough pressure so that you can repress and/or suppress the rest.
If you think about it, you’re actually reinforcing and amplifying that feeling. Where you give your attention is where you give your energy.
Most likely, the rest of the feeling is being dumped into your “shadow”. A concept we talked briefly about last week, but it’s the cocktail of emotions and things you don’t like about yourself and your outer/inner world.
So the final and probably most harmful way we deal with feelings is escape.
Complete avoidance of the feelings themselves.
I know this method well since I’ve used it multiple times in my life without knowing the consequences.
That’s why I also say that seeing yourself within is a scary thing. People will do anything to stay unconscious of themselves.
Open a bottle of liquor. Do drugs. Immerse themselves in video games. Gambling. Overeating. Scroll social media. Etc.
I’m not saying you can’t do these things for enjoyment. But a lot of people use that as a facade to escape their own reality.
I was a pothead in college. I enjoy cannabis, but not to the extent that I was using it in college.
The reality is, I hated school and studying. I was avoiding all the pressure and stress of barely getting by.
Escape is not the way.
When I wrote about pain a few weeks ago, I wrote about my experiences with feelings I totally escaped from.
They just came back with greater velocity and it still felt fresh.
So when you face those feelings, let them go properly and heal — you’ll find yourself not so drawn to any destructive behaviors or vices.
We’re Walking Pressure-Cookers
When those suppressed and repressed feelings hit a critical point… they will be released like the steam in a pressure-cooker.
Without you knowing, you’ll seek things and events in your current life as excuses to trigger the release of energy or to vent.
If the drive-thru person messes up your order, on any given day it might not be a big deal to you.
But when you’re subconsciously searching for a release, this may be the day you lash out at someone for something that’s not a big deal.
Concept Of Letting Go
So how do you let go?
I’ll save the granular step-by-step methods for next week. But the mechanism is to allow yourself to feel the feelings without any judgment or resistance.
Feel it. Embrace it. And let the feeling run its course.
The overall goal is to realize that it’s just a feeling. You are not your feelings.
Chances are, there’s going to be a lot of resistance. You have to let go of that resistance as well.
There will be accompanying thoughts to the feeling. Ignore them. You are not your thoughts either. And as I mentioned before, the thoughts are just symptoms of suppressed and repressed feelings.
Letting go is easy in theory. But it’s a lot more complicated and can get tedious.
But with practice, it’s powerful. And can be used to cultivate more peace, gratitude, happiness, and love in your life.
Even though these feelings are something we don’t like, we build an attachment to them. It becomes “normal” for us to feel these feelings and when we don’t, it’s alarming for the mind.
Because the mind doesn’t like change.
When you get to a surrendered state, that’s when you know you’re completely let go.
You will feel the higher emotions of peace, love, joy, happiness, and gratitude.
And when you feel those, maybe you’ll finally understand…
That everything is within.
Week 80 P4P Updates
2 new newsletters launched for clients finally. They also happen to both be fighting in early March, so I’m pumped for that.
Since we’re on the topic of letting go, these newsletters have been in the works for months. I’ve just been waiting to launch.
It initially caused me a lot of impatience and stress. But when I let go of having to do it sooner than later…
Things just fell into place. Coincidentally…
But anyway, happy Leap Day.
February was a really big month for me in terms of personal growth. And I’m excited to see how March goes.
And I’ll be back next week with my letting go rant pt. 2.
Trust the process, love the process.
Kevin